Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
