i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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