the condom got lost in my hair
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
