he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Randomize
