My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
