I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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