Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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