worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
false alarm, still single
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