we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
