I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
