there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
