afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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