Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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