I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
