There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Actions speak louder than pants.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
