I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
