i wish starbucks made bloody marys
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
