We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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