Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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