So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
