I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
