I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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