once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
