he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
