If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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