That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
