Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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