Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
