kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
