About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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