He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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