I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
