If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
