Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
