yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
