life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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