I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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