i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
