do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
