As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
