I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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