PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
