From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
