kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
