Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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