Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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