I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
