After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
