I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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