she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
