i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I lost the right to judge tonight
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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