I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
