Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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