I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
