Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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