just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
