I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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