That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
