I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize