I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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