Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
