i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
