Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
this boner is exhausting
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
