i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
