official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
